DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our middle daughter has just sent out her wedding invitations. She is the first child of ours to get married, and she is planning (and paying for) a big wedding.

I think she has done a great job, except for one thing: She posted on the wedding website that she and her fiance will return or resell any wedding gifts they receive for cash. She had already announced that they prefer cash gifts.

I think she can do whatever she wants with the gifts after the thank-you notes go out, but this announcement makes her look bad. We suggested removing it from her website. She says she would rather let people know beforehand that any gifts will be sold to avoid hurt feelings if they find out later.

Do we keep pushing to change her mind, or drop it? Is my daughter right to avoid hurting people by posting her “threat” to resell gifts?

GENTLE READER: Your daughter’s logic seems to be that it is better to insult everyone now rather than hurt their feelings later.

In addition to its being illogical, Miss Manners agrees with you that it makes your daughter look dreadful. But as that argument hasn’t worked, perhaps you should point out that threatening people in this way is likely to leave guests wary of having anything to do with this wedding.

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